About

a record of the rantings, ravings, and ramblings of a reverent realist.

at the risk of giving this about page an expiration date:

it's february 2026 as I start this blog, and the world is not in a great place. the oceans are boiling, the forests are burning, the planet is dying, the animals are leaving. we're teetering on the edge of a dozen different crises and every day we wake up to a new brand of what can only be described as nonsense at best (and a disaster at worst). it's hard to not feel demoralized in the face of all of that.

but just under a year ago i welcomed two brand new little humans into the world. i'm getting to watch them learn to exist for the first time, and they are relying on me to teach them about the world.

i'm afraid of what it will feel like to be honest with them.

i wasted a lot of time waiting to feel like i was "ready" for the adventure that is fatherhood, before finally realizing that i simply never would be, and had to just let it happen to me in real time. here I am, a year later, and less than two months before a pair of twins will be looking up to me. i'll be looking down at two of the exact same faces, but they'll be watching me with perspectives that are uniquely their own.

... god.

it's hard to convey in the written word how excited i am to have these children in my home, in my life. my reaction to holding them close to my chest, feeling their breath, their tiny hands wrapping around a single finger, is that my heart beats stronger, my eyes well up and the corners of my mouth turn upward in a dopey way. i'm sure that other parents can relate to that simple but unbridled sense of exuberant joy.

parenthood in the face of adversity isn't new, and i don't pretend to be living in the worst circumstances in which to raise children. i have a comfortable salary and a comfortable amount of job security. but i do think back to the things I took for granted as a child that i won't get to enjoy, that my children and their children won't get to enjoy. and my heart aches a bit for them.

"it's so over" is a phrase people use to communicate that things are going poorly. its antithesis, "we're so back", can also be used to express the same sentiment, at least that's the case when caked with enough layers of irony between people who understand, and can share a knowing glance. ultimately, these are both phrases that people use to cope with The Horrors™, and i don't blame them. i'm among them, more often than not, openly acknowledging our dismay but feeling powerless to do anything to stop it.

the best hope any of us have is to keep fighting, every day, if only to hold on to what matters most to us. staying strong, to show others that there is more than just giving up. to find joy among the struggles, and to share that joy with our loved ones.

all of that is a long-winded way of saying: don't expect deep thought all the time. but don't expect it never. this is a personal blog where i intend to keep track of what keeps me sane.

twitter user @violetxnds said it best. "what maxim could be more gravely important than that which urges man to persist at all costs?"

fuck it we ball.